Moving Through Puddles,
self help personal development
article by Jeanie Marshall

Self Help happiness, personal development, change management, stress management, emotion management, depression self help, article:

A "puddle" is the ultimate reframing of a "bottomless pit" or a "dark hole" or an "abyss" or an "unfathomable chasm" or "deep yogurt" or an "empty void" or -- well, you get the idea. "Moving through puddles" includes the concept of cycles, of life in constant change. We move through puddles more easily when we understand that everything is moving and changing, including us!

BOTTOMLESS PIT SYNDROME

Folks often telephone to tell me they feel stuck or in a bottomless pit of something or other. I accept their perceptions and accompanying feelings as honest representations. And, I know that one of the reasons clients call me is so that I can see and, in turn, assure them that something more hopeful than hopelessness is really happening for them.

So, as I listen to their stories, I survey their energy field to see how their perceptions are represented and at the same time I see these persons as already empowered. In other words, I honour their experiences without buying into their beliefs in insufficiency. If I collude with them, I have nothing of value to offer them. What good am I to them if I believe in their bottomless pit?

Sometimes clients argue for limitations, trying to convince me how bad it is. My tolerance is low for such conversations. I listen deeply, empathetically, and quickly, needing minimal content to be helpful then facilitate empowering strategies. Sympathy is not one of my skills; empathy is, however. I am patient, yet my gentle impatience is more often a gift to my clients.

Most of my regular clients know that I hear and empathize with their condition with few facts, so we move effortlessly from succinct storytelling into problem solving and empowerment. Envisioning clients moving through a puddle rather than colluding with them to strengthen the abyss is a gift I offer. Assisting them to see themselves moving through a puddle rather than an abyss is another gift.

THE PUDDLE SCENARIO

So here is the basic puddle scenario, a composite of multiple clients and client sessions. I call the client Jim, just so we have a character.

Jim feels feelings he has felt many times before. Once again, he has gotten himself into an untenable position with his boss. Last year, with his previous boss, a similar situation occurred. And, yes, he has experienced situations with co-workers and family and friends that are somewhat the same.

He is angry. He is angry at himself and his boss. He sees two ways to respond:

(1) quit and feel like a quitter

(2) stay and feel like a loser.

Of course, you and I can see immediately, even with little data, that Jim has many more options than these two. Remember, though, Jim sees himself as a victim of circumstances, even though Jim is not typically a victim. Jim sees himself in a bottomless pit with two options, not in a puddle with many options.

When we understand the idea of puddles, we view life as a series of experiences. Or a series of puddles. We know that the puddle is simply one experience that will be followed by others. This does not necessarily mean that we wait for the sun to evaporate the puddle, but that is one option. Enjoying making mud pies is another. Putting on our boots is another. Splashing gleefully in the water is another. Walking out of the puddle with grace and style is still another. And there are many more options. See, already this is more fun than falling deeper into a bottomless pit or hoping to be rescued.

Jim's state of consciousness and awareness are keys to his experience. If Jim walks into the puddle with his eyes open to the experience, he will move knowingly through the puddle. He will move through it -- this is the key for him to recognize while he is in the puddle. If Jim walks into the puddle with his eyes closed (the most common way into a puddle), his job is to open his eyes and recognize that he is in a puddle. If Jim resists stepping into one puddle, he is likely to encounter a bigger and/or denser puddle when next it is puddle time. The popular euphemism for this dynamic is "denial." Or, if Jim tries to create a lot of little puddles to avoid the bigger puddles, he is trying to control events rather than being in the flow of life.

WHAT COLOUR IS THE PUDDLE?

Since first presenting the idea of Puddles as a way of viewing life's cycles and challenges, I have heard from many clients and Journal readers and others. Sometimes they telephone to report "I'm in a puddle." My initial response is "What colour is the puddle?" Or some other question that helps to focus the attention on the energetics of the puddle rather than the issues that spin them in circles, like a cess pool. It is not that the issues are unimportant, it is that I can assist people so much more effectively if we focus on the energetics than on the circumstances. Other questions that help to give the attention to the energetics are: How big is the puddle? Is the puddle muddy or clear? Additional questions are included in the seven-step process, which is designed to help you move through a puddle, perhaps even with elegance.

AN ENERGETIC PROCESS

1. Name a situation that you consider to be very challenging or problematic (1-9 words).

2. Describe the situation briefly in the way you might tell a friend you have not seen for a while. This friend, who is wise and enlightened, cares about you.

3. Entitle this situation a "puddle" no matter how it might initially seem (eg., a brick wall, a bottomless pit, stuck/sticky, hot lava, quicksand, a large vat of brown yogurt, a cess pool, a roller coaster, a sticky pot of dung). If you have any difficulty naming your impossible situation a mere "puddle" just start by believing it could be a puddle. You may put your situation in a puddle or put a puddle in your situation. Some of these ideas may make you laugh or smile or feel lighter.

4. Describe the energetic dynamics of the puddle. For example, what colour is the puddle? What texture is it? What size is it? How thick/thin is it? What shape is it? What sound does it make? What does it smell like? How close are you to it (or it to you)? If it had a name (other than puddle or pit or pool), what would it be? Add any other dynamics you perceive.

5. Experiment with changing the characteristics. For example, if yours is a puddle two feet in diameter, can you change it to one foot or four feet in diameter? If you cannot, no need to struggle, experiment with changing another aspect. Can you hear your puddle utter a cacophony of shrieks or sing a sweet melody? As you play with such dynamics, you give yourself an experience of dominion over the puddle which can translate to enhanced confidence with respect to the situation itself.

6. Clarify your desires. How close do you desire the puddle to be? What colour do you desire the puddle to be? As you become clear about your desires while working with the energetics, you will find that your perceptions of the condition and situation change. Create your desires.

7. Reflect on how you now experience the situation (refer to #1 above). Is it different? If so, how? Repeat the above steps as often as needed to achieve the desired relationship to the situation.

A Puddleless World?

The world is filled with puddles and the appearance of cess- pools and endless pits. If we believe something is so bad or so deep or never-ending, it can be a relief to shift to believing it is a mere puddle. Even if we lack faith in certain people and real-world situations, we do know that at some time the sun will show its warm face and absorb a puddle.

I believe our most empowering relationship to puddles is to move through them consciously. Our personal style determines how we move through puddles as a myriad of choices is available to us. How well we do this is also a matter of style, usually improving with repeated experience. We really do not want the world to be without puddles, because then the world would be without flowers and trees and even people. There would be no diversity, no adventure, no learning. Where else would we play in the sunshine after a rainfall?

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From the Marshall House Journal, February, 1996, No. 47, Copyright 1996; 1997, Marshall House. All Rights Reserved. You may save this article or send it to a friend, provided this attribution paragraph remains with the article. Jeanie Marshall is a Self-empowerment Consultant specializing in deep transformation through energetic awareness and clearing. Jeanie@mhmail.com (310) 458-1172 http://www.mhmail.com

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